The Mystery of the Haunted Vampire

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Saturday, December 10, 2005

No more happy holidays

Steve Tilley, a columnist for the Edmonton Sun, has a hilarious spoof of the entire faux controversy stirred up by the anti-Semitic Fox News blowhard Bill O'Reilly and his ilk, most of whom appear not to have absorbed a single lesson taught by Jesus Christ. His column, I will no longer tolerate the phrase 'happy holidays' WORLD, is worth reading in its entirety. An excerpt:

And not because it's become a watered-down, politically correct catch-all for corporations and governments terrified of alienating anyone capable of spending money or casting a vote. No, it's because "holidays" implies a day that is holy, and the only religion I belong to is the cult of Cthulhu. And there's nothing holy about tentacle-mouthed giant monsters rising from the ancient deeps to feast on the flesh of man, am I right? Also, the word "happy" is offensive to that broad segment of society that suffers from clinical depression, general grumpiness or an inability to begin gift shopping before Dec. 20. Because if happiness is getting flattened in an aisle of Best Buy after some cellphone-yakkin' soccer mom clips you in both Achilles tendons with her stroller, you can colour me pissy. Which I guess would be a shade of yellow. Or pink, if you're hemorrhaging internally. Call me Scrooge if you want, but don't you dare say "humbug!" Because that will cause psychological distress to people like myself who not only can't hum (much less sing), but who have a phobia of insects.
Jesus' General has more on the issue here. Pastordan's excellent take is here.


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