The Mystery of the Haunted Vampire

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Thursday, February 16, 2006

Dick Cheney's List of Worst Days of His Life

Dick Cheney told Faux New's Brit Hume that shooting his close friend acquaintance was "one of the worst days" of his life. I'm sure it was. The thought that he might -- no matter how remotely -- be held accountable for killing a man probably made him feel terrible.

Not for Mr. Whittington, of course, but for himself. A dark moment indeed in the life of Dick Cheney, that momentary flash of guilt. Caused one of the worst days of his life. Fortunately I've been able to ascertain through my connections at NSA what are among other dark days in the life of Dick Cheney:

  1. The day Friends went off the air.
  2. Hulk Hogan loses the heavyweight title to Nature Boy Ric Flair.
  3. Scooter Libby called before the grand jury.
  4. Watching George Bush's performance in the first debate against John Kerry.
  5. Found out the woman he had been leering at and putting the moves on was his daughter's girlfriend.
  6. Hulk Hogan joins the NWO.
  7. His 12th heart attack. That day really sucked.
  8. His wedding night with Lynne. She discovered she was more interested in writing lesbian sex scenes for her novel. He discovered she did not want to take a bath in ice-cold water and then lie on the bed perfectly still so it would be like necrophilia.
  9. The day his father caught him in the barn with the goat.
  10. The day the military refused to transfer the prisoners at Camp X-Ray to a Texas ranch for him to shoot unarmed men.


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