The Mystery of the Haunted Vampire

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Sunday, October 02, 2005

Halloween humor

Halloween jokes. Click the link to post to read more. From an email group:

Halloween Jokes and Horror Humor ~ What did Dracula say when he kissed his vampire girlfriend? Ouch... ------------- How do monsters tell their future? They read their horrorscope... -------------- Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately... -------------- Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town? Because they don't have any body to go out with... ------------- What do ghosts add to their morning cereal? Booberries... -------------- What do zombies like to eat at a cook out? Halloweenies... -------------- What is a vampire's favorite sport? Casketball... --------------- What is a vampire's favorite holiday? Fangsgiving... --------------- Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist? To improve his bite... --------------- What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite... --------------- What does a ghost get when he falls and scrapes his knee? A boo boo... ---------------- What is Dracula's favorite kind of coffee? Decoffinated... --------------- What would a monster's psychiatrist be called? Shrinkenstein... --------------- What is a baby ghost's favorite game? Peekaboo... ---------------- What did one ghost say to the other ghost? "Do you believe in people?" ---------------- What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes? A cereal killer... ---------------- Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends? They're too wrapped up in themselves... --------------- What kind of streets do zombies like the best? Dead ends... -------------- What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving? Fasten your sheet belts... --------------- What do ghouls eat for breakfast? Ghost toasties with evaporated milk. (Thanks to Bobbi) ---------------- What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation? A blood vessel... ---------------- What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation? A scareplane... ----------------- What type of dog do vampire's like the best? Bloodhounds... ------------------ What is a ghoul's favorite flavor? Lemon-slime... --------------- What does a vampire never order at a restaurant? A stake sandwich... --------------- What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument? A trombone... --------------- What do birds give out on Halloween night? Tweets... ---------------- Why do vampires need mouthwash? They have bat breath... ---------------- What's a vampire's favorite fast food? A guy with very high blood pressure... ---------------- Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal? He heard it had great circulation... ----------------- Why did the dyslexic vampire starve to death? He couldn't find any dloob... ----------------- Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school? He was buttering up his teacher... ------------------ What does a cannibal get when he comes home late for dinner? The cold shoulder... (Thanks to Kelli) ------------------ Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his mother-in-law in the jungle? hee hee... ------------------ What do you get when you goose a ghost? A handful of sheet... (Thanks to Annette) ------------------ What kind of car does a ghost drive? A Boo-ick... ------------------ What did the mother ghost say to her son? Don't spook unless you are spooken to... (Thanks to Kyle) ------------------- What do ghosts use to wash their hair? Sham-boo... -------------------- What kind of pants do ghosts wear? Boojeans... (Thanks to Amanda) --------------------- Why wasn't the vampire working? He was on a coffinbreak... -------------------- What do skeletons say before eating? Bone App├ętit... (Thanks to Calvin) --------------------- What does a child monster call his parents? Mummy and Deady... --------------------- Where do fasionable ghosts shop for sheets? At bootiques... --------------------- What ride do spirits like best at the amusement park? The roller ghoster...and scary go round. --------------------- What do you get when you cross a ghost with an owl? Something that scares people and doesn't give a hoot... --------------------- What fairy tale do ghosts like best? Sleeping booty... ---------------------- What kind of spirits serve food on a plane? Airline ghostesses... ---------------------- What kinds of ghosts haunt skyscrapers? High spirits... --------------------- Why did the skeleton climb a tree? Because a dog was after its bones... (Thanks to Kirsty) --------------------- Where do ghosts go swimming? The dead sea... ------------------ What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope it's Halloween... ------------------ Did you hear about the new Dracula doll? Wind it up and it bites Barbie on the neck... ------------------ What is a vampire's favorite ice cream flavor? Veinilla... (Thanks to Hazel) ------------------- What do you give a vampire with a cold? Coffindrops... -------------------- What do you use to mend a jack-o-lantern? A pumpkin patch... --------------------- Why did the Cyclops have to close his school? He only had one pupil... (Thanks to Frances) ---------------------- Why isn't Dracula invited to many Halloween parties? Because he's a pain in the neck... (Thanks to Frances) ----------------------- Who is a skeleton's favorite emperor? Napoleon Boneaparte... (Thanks to Haley) ----------------------- Why did the vampires cancel their baseball game? They couldn't find their bats... (Thanks to Kelli) ----------------------- What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin pi... (Thanks to Valerie) ------------------------ Which monster likes to fly kites in the rain? Benjamin Franklinstein... (Thanks to Tingen) ------------------------ What did the skeleton say to the bartender? I'll have two beers and a mop... ------------------------ What did the mummy say to the detective? Let's wrap this case up...

2 Comments:

Blogger Carnacki said...

I took a nap after posting and didn't realize how much space the jokes took up on the page. I know they're corny, but my kids liked them so I figured some other kids or kids at heart would.

10/02/2005 02:09:00 PM  
Blogger protected static said...

2 beers and a mop... *snort*

I forget how old your kids are, so this may be too young... but I'd recommend the book Skeleton Hiccups. It's, uh, right in this vein, as it were...

10/02/2005 02:47:00 PM  

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